11 KiB

Poor Ed is Dead (Working title)

  • Three worlds or layers: Caligula XE; Sorcerer; Social Context
  • The third layer might be optional.

Caligula XE & Katja In Caligula Yyanu is in love with; has a crush on Katja

(working name; it could also be Sigryn or something else along those lines. We'll play it out later. The catch is that Yy knows that its just for fun and she must not get too serious with Kj and so she fastidiously avoids getting too close or getting feelings. Kj seems to always be pushing however. Yy knows this way lies destruction but can't help herself.

It's not meant to be obvious why she knows so well that it is doomed but there is no question that she's right. Eventually she will fall hard for Kj and tragically fatalistically confess her feelings, knowing even as she does so that this will ruin her.

It's even worse than one would think. Because once Kj knows she's secured Yy's love she begins to pursue her in RL! (real life)

Information Caligula XE is based on Conan Exiles. As a game it's a world

similar to the one depicted in some play documents I created. Basically Conan Exiles & Roman Gladiators & Locked Tomb pastiche.

Many incidents in the story can be based on game-play recalled from Conan Exiles. In that game I really did play a character who fell in love with another character names Katja. (Also Sigryn in another server.) Yyanu & Katja were re-united across a couple of servers before losing touch.

Caligula sections should read very much like a light novel\ In which RPG and

computer game conventions are transparently acknowledged in the game universes. But without overt acknowledgement of the actual computer game frame.

RL (ish) virtually At this turning point in the story, it is revealed that Yy

and Kj (and other characters) are actually characters in an online game called Caligula XE. Each one is controlled by a player in real life. Yyanu is controlled by a player who goes by the name @anibel and Katja by a player with the handle @katja. Of cours @a and @k are just account names on a game and social media platform.

@k seeks to continue the romance outside of Caligula XE in the online world. She constantly tries to get @a to reveal more of her true self. This is torment for @a whose feelings continue to grow earnestly. Her problem is that she is a contrived online persona, she completely hides her true nature in the online communities where she and @k frequent. @a's petty secret is that in rl she is a man named John. John created @a out of wishful thinking but does not see themselves as trans because of their self-contempt.

The stkes are so much higher because Yyanu wants to fall in love with Kj's player as a girl. But as we see above, John is unwilling to come out. Yyanu's username is Jezibel or Anibel or something.

@k keeps teasing, flirting with and tormenting @a and often accuses her of catfishing and of course that is exactly what John feels is true and @k is constantly demanding proofs and reality checks as their relationship hungry for more confirmation hungry for more ... threatening to hack her or dox ro something and yy/@an/john know that giving in and trying to pursue this relationship is unhealthy but cannot tear themselves away.

{Digression: what if maybe there is another character, not @k, maybe Ed a friend of @k who acts as both the protector/cockblocker/inquisitor}

{Or as soon as @a and @k begin to socialize and interact in online communities ed showed up and insinuates themselves into the scene. Quickly their pro-active actions and @k's complacence makes it clear that @a will have to prove themselves and 'go through' Ed to get to @k. @a MUST win Ed's trust to have any future with @k. }

{The secret to be revealed is that Ed always was Katja in game, and in all the ways that matter John/Anibl is in love with "Ed as Katja"}

At a major turning point John tries to go all in on the deception/catfish front by working with a friend/cousin/online aly to create a fake femme profile. This plays out until it falls apart disastrously; Ed discovers @a/j's ruse but instead of exposing it offers some understanding and compassion but gives John 24 hours to come clean to @k. John is afraid she'll never forgive but Ed says try and see. She might surprise you. If she takes you back I'll support your relationship, but if you chicken out and don't come clean to her I'll certainly tell her I don't think you're worth her time.


So John/Anibl confesses to @k and reveals himself in a video call or something something. In return @k confesses that she is behind Ed's profile as well and implies that he's a made up character her like Anible/Yyanu. But she doesn't quite say so, she merely lets John/Anibl believe it and stays quiet, not correcting their assumptions.

If anything @k encourages the idea that she invented Ed in order to both get to live a trans-male fantasy sometimes and or to enjoy her own pocket "white knight" a la Good Woman of Szechuan perhaps. The thing John wants to believe is that @k invented Ed as an alter-ego for the same reasons he invented Anibl.

One tell-tale hint about @k is that on video she looks exactly like her CXE character. I mean exactly. And not in a way one would think. Not in a way that implies that Caligual XE has awesome graphics but more in a way that makes it seems like there is something odd about @k, like she threatens to glitch in a certain way.

After the mutual confessions, John/Anibl feels free to give in completely to this romance and is soon even more completely overwhelmed with feelings. They feel that if @k was comfortable in a trans-fantasy role play that they kind of complement or compensate for eachother. But through it all, @k keeps Ed's social profile active and is more likely to communicate with @a as Ed in 'rl' than as @k and prefers to interact in Caligula XE as Katja with Yyanu. Although they communicate ooc very often now.

Note: in Yyanu's POV ooc talk simply doesn't happen, or is not experienced. However as a writer I can account for it in character as blanks in memory, strange suddden alterations in world view or knowledge. Much like has been written in the amnesia chapter. In Anibl's or John's pov. The OOC scenes can be portrayed however will IC Caligula game play have a place? I don't know.

In person.

eventually move the story towards an in-person meeting. Complicate matters.

I like working through the story to the point where John travels in real space to meet Katja in real life. He thinks they will fall in love in a cis-het way with a little cross-dressing fetish on the side that they can both enjoy. Maybe even carry on playing games. Hard to say what he's thinking. I would however like to give Anibl a voice here. Possibly have, at one point, as John move closer to solidifying a straight mainstream reln with Katja, that as an outlet for part of them that rebels against this betrayal, begins to carry one a cyber-affair as Anibl ... or some kind of electronic g-holes for quick meaningless cyber. I'd like to see Anibl play a straight femme in some of these cyber scenes.

That diversion could go far... but how far? I'm not sure. Here's a plot idea. John thinks that he's cheating on Katja as Anibl online... not sure why. Feels guilty, can't quite stop it, feels super guilty.

Maybe this happens after only one visit. And Katja has not revealed Ed yet. So the cis-het romance in John's head has a foundation but is largely unsupported bu by real life, like he's completely delusional. But the guilt is real. Katja/Ed acts so much more trusting, and doesn't pursue the problem but none-the-less is so much more net savy and aware that John can't help but get caught. Katja starts pushing for a heavy heart to heart & face to face. John panics and starts avoiding, sabotaging, and almost succeeds in destroying the relationship. But... like one delusion is the idea that his cishet fantasy is what Katja is expecting when its not and he thinks he now has to lie to her to hide the fact that he can't really assume the role he thinks she expects.


Dawn of the age of Sorcery

It eventually all comes to a head. In a break up a fight, or something even more traumatic Katja forces John to come and meed "Ed". Even this terrifies John. And Katja talks John down, leads him to a secret room where they find a man sleeping . It's Ed. Katya kisses him to wake him up and in doing so transfers Ed's soul from Katja back to Ed. After just the right ammount of messed up hijinks John finally learns that Ed uses Katja's body to live life as her sometimes. That he is a sorcerer and Katja is a demon, summoned from the Hell-server version of Caligula XE.

Ed/Katja does not want to live a cishet straight life with John. In fact thats not even possible because Katja doesn't really even legally exist. There may be other severe restraints built into the magic as well. To be discussed with adept sorceres as needed. But what Katja/Ed does want is to be able to consumate their love for John/Yyanu as Katja and Yyanu in real life as they did in Caligula XE. This means John needs to learn enough lore to be able to summon Yyanu from hell Server and learn to swap/hop bodies.

John wants this desperately, and fully resolves his John/Anibl split by embracing his pink pill fantasy and with little forethought or consideration dives into sorcery. But also neglects to pay attention to the whole package of lore, in terms of what one ought to know to operate safely. Ed/Katja try half heartedly to teach some basic sorcery hygeine but their heart is not entirely in it. Katja, as a demon of course has no concerns about the price or the downside of sorcery. Ed is fixated on his own quest... to escape into another world altogether.

So as an anticlimax John sucessfully summons Yyanu, hops into her body, and makes love with Katja. She thinks they're going to be so happy. This would be a good place to stop.

But we wont stop there.

Katja/Ed wants to conduct a finaly irreversible ritual, sacrificing one's humanity to become a permanent denizen of hell server. If Yyanu agrees to join her they can live forever perhaps in Hell/Caligula. But this is literal suicide. Because Ed would have to leave his human body behind as a corpse. So that would create complications.

I don't want to come across as judging Ed/Katja. I first only want to work out the logistics. I think if Ed dies, Katja(d) is banished or goes into need or some other problem.

If John/Anibl is left behind what happens next? I think a future book deals with the aftermath decades later. What if John puts Anibl and Yyanu back into the closet but tries to keep a second life alive through judicious use of Sorcery? What if John marries and has kids in a cishet life but its all a lie? What about Ed and Katja? Can Yyanu visit hellserver through contact?

What would the final chapter be?

Do I want to pull away another curtain an reveal that John and Ed and Katja and Yyanu are all just characters made up in a ttrpg sorcerer campaign? Then who are the real players and what do they want?