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Poor Ed is Dead
: Did you hear the news about Edward?
: On the back of his head he had another face.
: Was it a woman's face? Or a young girl?
: They said to remove it would kill him,
: So Poor Edward was doomed.
: She was his devil twin.
: Bound together for life.
: At night she would speak to him.
: Things heard only in Hell.
: Finally the bell tolled his doom.
: He took a suite of rooms,
: and hung himself and her from the balcony irons
: Some still believe he was freed from her.
: But I knew her too well.
: I say she drove him to suicide
: and took Poor Edward to Hell.
*I* knew her too well
: This story isn't about Edward. It isn't entirely about
: her, either. It is about me and how I knew her so well.
: And what I know now.
She was his devil twin
Were they both devils?
Things heard only in hell.
Did he understand words said only in Hell?
Or did she speak to him but only listeners in Hell could here?
It makes sense if they were devil twins that they would return together to Hell.
Bound together for life
: Does this mean they were bound together until they died?
: Or does it mean they were bound together for the purpose of being
: alive? As in being bound together was a prerequisite for either of
: them to get to experience life? Again, as devil twins they would
: share this parameter.
Or a young girl?
: Why is her age the dominant mystery? What is the range of possible
: ages we contemplate for her? What about Edward's age? Doe he have a
: man's face or a young boys?
Whose head was it anyway?
: Would she agree that she was on the back of Edward's head or was he on
: the back of hers?
I knew *her* to well
: Did she speak to me too? What did she say to me? Were these also words
: heard only in hell? Where am I from?
Second Summoning Notes
: Second summoning is a short story, perhaps a chapter, in which I summon
: my second demon. I'm composing it longhand with a hero pen in a black
: clairfontaine notebook. Here are some notes I put down in the monthly
: bullet journal:
Maybe start the story already swapped.
: so that my physical descriptions conflict with the pronoun usage for
: extra entertainment.
ah-A! is in my "male" body while I'm in her "female" body
The demon's true name is ah-A!
but when I'm in its body I use a chosen name
what is the my main character's undead name?
"You're doing it wrong!"
Not looking in/out but in adjusting the flame before the sacrifice
Sacrifice and the laws of infernal dynamics
: to summon a demon, or at least to bind it in the material plane of
: existence, terrestrial matter and/or energy must be swapped
: with the infernal. Something has to leave this universe in order for
: something to enter. Fire is popular in rituals because it
: effectively camoflages the swap. Hmm this seemed do clever before.
: Well I was also saying the physical elements are typically swapped
: for analogous infernal matter. So the materials you sacrifice will
: lend some qualities to the demonic tissues you summon.
Demonic need is a void
: A demon's need is a moral void that leaks out of the
: universe and cannot be plugged until or unless the demon is
: banished. Just as a physical sacrifice is necessary to bring
: something material across the divide a regular moral sacrifice is
: necessary to maintain the demon's unsoul here in the material realm.
: In the second or third EG book by OSC may he burn, people were
: genetically selected to pass on OCD as a trait. When it manifest,
: the god botherers or whatever were tormented in a fashion where they
: could not get themselves clean and had to invent a ritual which
: would absolve them of their OCD anxiety. (I have no idea how
: accurate OSC's depiction of OCD was and I'm not planning to find
: out). In this story however, binding a demon cuts it off from its
: infernal realm and forces it to invent a material moral analog; an
: earthly proxy which can more or less sustain it as long as it exists
: on the plane. The need does not exist in the place they come from.
: It only arises upon arrival and during the binding process.
: A sorcerer perhaps can try to influence some aspect of the need by
: controlling the environment where the binding ritual is performed.
: However results are notoriously unpredictable.
Binding bloopers
: A scholarly archivist(cover) sorcerer once performed a binding
: ritual in a vast public library hoping that the demon would
: develop a need to read, or critique literature or something.
: This the scholar thought would be easy enough for her to supply.
: However the demon could have just as easily manifest a need to
: burn books, or to perform depraved re-enactments found in some
: prurient pulp in the fiction section. As it happened, the
: sorcerer's sister had brought her toddler to visit the archives
: just two days ago. During the visit the sorcerer's nephew had
: gotten lost in the stacks and the brief but searing panic felt
: by both sisters came back to her mind during the binding. As a
: result the demon revealed it had a need to cause parents to lose
: track of their offspring on a semi-regular basis.
: The demon was powerful and well suited to the task for which she
: had summoned it but the sorcerer soon had to banish it due to
: this tedious and disruptive need.
: Adept sorcerers do not deceive themselves into thinking they can
: successfully order up a convenient demonic need, instead they
: practice austere restraint and mental detachment during binding
: rituals in an attempt to reduce the chaos inherent in the
: process. The object is to quell ones own fears and conceal or
: disperse all emotional baggage to prevent the demon from
: fixating on something that will cause the sorcerer excessive
: distress. Whether this is more effective than any other matter
: has not been systematically reviewed.
: I have no idea how writers write outlines for their stories.
Chapter Ideas
She spoke to me.
Meeting her online
Masked in a game. She 'makes' me. There is another word
: A word that means she sees through my pseudo and spots me for
: what I am: an online cross-dresser. Try to find a way to capture
: the most embarrassing way for that to occur. She catches me but
: is also able to stop me from running... no, better yet she lets
: me ditch and run; destroy my online profile; come back again and
: she makes me all over again. It's a game to her. She's dying
: laughing.
: Could even put that game in here. Events could occur in Cali...
: with plebs and pats and the guild and the necrolord Gaius etc.
: Somehow after teasing and bullying me online in my favourite
: game she win me over. She claims my trust or interest at least.
: I might develop a small hopeless, unrequited crush on her but
: nothing that overtakes the core attraction: her hints of
: forbidden knowledge. I guess that her powers and even her
: existence hint at forbidden knowledge. Knowledge that I
: desperately desire. Sorcery.
Meeting Edward.
: Eventually she will convince me that I need to meet Edward. In
: person.
Who is the demon?
: So it might either be her or Edward. Not sure. The demon can't
: teach me sorcery on its own. Only the sorcerer can initiate me
: into lore. Perhaps.
Does it matter?
: Check the book for rules, but I doubt they exist, on this.
So who cares, what about the meeting?
: Whoever the sorcerer is, only meeting in person will allow me to
: be initiated. Why am I a suitable candidate? Does it matter?
What does it cost?
: Meeting in person means travelling. I can't think of a situation
: with more awkward obstacles to travelling like this than the
: present time and place.
COVID etc.
Where are they?
The first place that came to mind was California.
The second was London.
: But that out of the way, they could be anywhere. Take some time,
: think it through. No rush.
Where was I?
The first place to come to mind is Halifax. But do I want it?
Do I want to truk with real places? I kinda do but...
: Well try Halifax to start with. Will that sink the project? I
: guess I don't care do I.
So how about the meeting.
: Well besides the international travel, during a pandemic, I (the
: protagonist and narrator) will have a full time job and a
: family. So it's going to be crazy to come up with a pre-text for
: this trip. Will it even be possible?
: Might even require some serious research to come up with a plan.
: Of course the reason for the visit is as unnaceptable as you
: would think, so there is a challenge in constructing a ruse, or
: cover for the trip. Probably only the death of a relative or...
: hmm so hard to say. Perhaps I'll need to create a fictional
: family and occupation sufficiently distinct from my own to take
: out some of the sting of imaginary deception. Hmmmm.
Learning Sorcery
: I'm envisioning a really horrific core aesthetic and tone, heavy
: inspiration from Tazmuir's Magician's Apprentice. Also disturbing
: sexual overtones and dominance. The sorcerer and demon I meet are
: overwhelming, possessive, sadistic, utterly dominant. I find myself
: completely helpless and submissive. I'm aware that they are using me
: for their own inscrutable ends, that they care less than nothing for
: me or my soul, but I am completely willing.
: The knowledge and power they offer is undeniably real, utterly
: transgressive, unwholesome, destructive and I want it. Getting it
: is the incidental reward for my submission. Not that it was even
: offered as a reward. I think I'm drawing on a lot of vampyrism
: tropes. Teaching someone sorcery is done for similarly selfish and
: casual reasons to making someone a vampire in mainstream lore.
: An apt pupil is chosen perhaps without consideration but the bond is
: permanent, almost anyways and strong. Having initiated me into the
: lore, they will be bound to me for life, mostly.
: What else is involved in learning sorcery? One learns to extract
: power from sacrifices, to adhere to the demonic laws. Then finally
: one learns the rituals and the routines.
Indulging in Sorcery
: So major action in the middle of the plot will be constructing the
: alternate life I craved, the transformation, etc. So the roughest
: premise is to summon a demon whose body I can either possess or swap
: or 'ride along' with. The demon is a passing demon in the shape of a
: human woman. Getting to live out a life in her body however entails
: immense logistical challenges. Fundamentally it is about the toxic
: wish-fulfilling desire to have my cake and eat her too. There is no
: "coming out". Merely a hell's spells enhanced cross-dressing fetish
: which I allow to destroy my life. The story captures my layers of
: self-contempt... but it is not meant to invalidate real people. but
: it will if I'm not careful and don't think this through carefully.
: Hmmm.
: Anyways the logistical challenges of living life part-time in a body
: which should not exist, which has no legal identity, but has demonic
: needs will probably require resorting to additional sorcery to
: sustain. With additional sorcery, and it's requisite loss in
: humanity... the problems will mount.
Real trans
: What would my relationship be like to the trans community? I can
: see so many problems. Interesting problems. Like infiltration
: and impostor problems. Yum. But writing in these problems is
: probably necessary to make it clear that the self-indictment is
: not meant to target the real trans community. And to avoid
: splash damage.
: an easy trope might be the attempt to tempt an trans person
: become an initiate in a way similar to how I was drawn in. But
: the 'real' person rejects my deep inherent inauthenticity making
: a statement about ... I don't know yet.
Taking Poor Edward to Hell
: As an aside, not necessarily useful to the story. What about the
: dying. Becoming a kind of parasite on the back of my demon's head?
Coming out and/or validating the lie.
faking my own death
: absurdly cruel and inhuman
faking GRS
: extremely tricky, literally too good to be true
banishing the demon
: also tricky redemption path
: beginning a path of mortal transition, surgical or otherwise.
Settling down.
Collateral Sorcery
: How much interest and capacity would I have to utilize Sorcery
: in other aspects of life? How much story would happen.
: On one hand it would be unnecessary to use non-gender quest
: related kickers to drive the story. The pull to keep pushing
: boundaries, once the first functional body was possessed will no
: doubt lead to enough complications on its own. However, incidentally
: some of these little events could easily