91 lines
3.6 KiB
HTML
91 lines
3.6 KiB
HTML
<h1>How to Interact with Practical Strangers</h1>
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<hr />
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<h2>Contents</h2>
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<ul>
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<li><a href="#introduction">Introduction</a></li>
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<li><a href="#reasonable_people">Reasonable people can disagree and still be friends.</a></li>
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<li><a href="#focus_on_the_message">Focus on the message.</a></li>
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<li><a href="#communication_is_bidirectional">Communication is bi-directional.</a></li>
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<li><a href="#we_are_not_mindreaders">We cannot read your mind through com alone.</a></li>
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<li><a href="#let_it_go">Learn to let it go.</a></li>
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</ul>
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<h2><a name="introduction" />Introduction</h2>
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<p>
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Below are five suggestions for interacting with practical
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strangers in an imprecise medium. These are lessons taken from my
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life, and modified for com.
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</p>
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<p>
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They are not meant to be hard rules to be followed in com. They
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should be seen as suggestions on dealling with or avoiding confrontional
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situations.
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</p>
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<h2><a name="reasonable_people" />Reasonable people can disagree and still be friends.</h2>
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<p>
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We live our own lives with our own experiences. Reasonable people
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can disagree for perfectly valid reasons, and it should not stop
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us from being friendly with each other.
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</p>
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<h2><a name="focus_on_the_message" />Focus on the message.</h2>
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<p>
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We see each other through the lens of com. We do not "know" the
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secret heart and nature of each other. As such, we should keep
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criticisms focused on the actions and not the person.
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</p>
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<dl>
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<dt>Criticising the person (bad):</dt>
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<dd>wliao is stupid and says random things.</dd>
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<dt>Criticising the action (better):</dt>
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<dd>wliao is saying a lot of stupid and random things.</dd>
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</dl>
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<p>
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We should also try to be polite and kind with the words we use.
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</p>
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<dl>
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<dt>Criticising the action (even better):</dt>
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<dd>wliao, I disagree for these 3 reasons, and we can still be friends.</dd>
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</dl>
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<p>
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Sometimes personal remarks will be made, or we interpret a
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comment to be of a personal nature. Very little can be gained
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from responding in kind. We should try to overlook these comments
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and move on. After all, reasonable people can disagree and still
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be friends.
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</p>
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<h2><a name="communication_is_bidirectional" />Communication is bi-directional</h2>
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<p>
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"Communication" is bi-directional: all parties are both speakers
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and listeners. We should not expect other people to listen if we do
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not listen to others in turn. Sometimes, people will agree;
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sometimes, people will disagree. This is OK, because reasonable
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people can disagree and still be friends.
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</p>
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<h2><a name="we_are_not_mindreaders" />We cannot read your mind through com alone</h2>
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<p>
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Much of our communication habits are based on the spoken words we
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hear, as well as the tone and inflections of how the words are
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presented, and the visual cues of facial expressions. When we use
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com, we lose a lot of the non-verbal hints. We may intend a
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statment to be ironic, sarcastic, snarky, or funny, but that
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intent may not be fully expressed in com.
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</p>
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<p>
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Be very, very clear about attempts at humor; be very, very sure
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that the audience appreciates the effort. Please be prepared to
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"ruin the joke" if the intention is not clear.
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</p>
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<h2><a name="let_it_go" />Learn to let it go</h2>
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<p>
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At the end of it all, sometimes emotions are too strong for a
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converstaion, feelings are hurt, etc. At that time, it is
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best to walk away and let everybody cool down. In the wise words of Dobler,
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you must <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpP8N-X1dF4">chill</a>.
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</p>
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<hr />
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$Id: talking_to_strangers.html,v 1.1 2011/11/13 00:19:28 wliao Exp $
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