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This commit is contained in:
parent
612a9557fa
commit
018bfd961f
77
src/index.js
77
src/index.js
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@ -248,82 +248,7 @@ client.on("message", async message => {
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return message.reply(`\n**DEFCON** level set to DEFCON ${args[1]}\nGod Bless their souls`)
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};
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};
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if (command === "quote") {
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min = Math.ceil(0);
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max = Math.floor(66);
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// Quote format '<USER> quote stuff like egg eegg egg mommmmy'
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let quotes = [
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'<Airman, hydrated> Im a segregationist',
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'<N29UB> Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of general tso\’s chicken and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I\'m so distressed right now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to do that to my mom but I\'m literally in shock from the termination of our glorious PLAN nuclear carrier. I feel like I\'m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is Xi doing this? This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a fucking breakdown (like a kuznetsov). I don\'t want to believe the world is dominated by the US Navy. I want a future to believe in. I want China to be global hegemon and annex the South China Sea. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn\'t supposed to be like this, I thought they were making good progress on this carrier???? This is so fucked',
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'<osselot> go out to my cotton field you 3/5th of a human foot!',
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'<Triple> no',
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'<Ranger Wannabe> To be a ranger, one must start as a rock eater.',
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'<75021> did you ever hear the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise?',
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'<Airman, hydrated> if thicc thighs save lives, there\'s no wonder you\'re a lifeguard.',
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'<osselbot> hello all put the best of your best quotes into this channel for consideration to be put as quotes into the bot. Thanks!',
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'<Triple> I am *literally* shiting myself',
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'<aviadarius> What\'s the Asian president\nJim\nSomething\nJim Chang',
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'<aviadarius> i forgot',
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'<N29UB> Asia is a continent',
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'<Jim Chang> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/514252476837396494/681340502297149523/Jim_chang_backstory.png',
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'<Triple> Long Live the Philippines!',
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'<Sergeant Kot> meow',
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'<Sergeant Kot> I support jihad \uFDFD',
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'<Sergeant Kot> He was detained for fighting against isreal FREE PALESTINE MEOW',
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'<N29UB> That guy is not just a tool, he\'s the entire home depot.',
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'<Director krennic> we have a log you daft idiot',
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'<SSAI> I\'m trying to learn how to make a car bomb and get it past the isreali border\n<sara mist> Okay boomer',
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'<Rodrigo Duterte, 16th President of the Philippines> Please don’t order me around. … Or would you rather that I declare martial law?',
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'https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/521522780341141540/681344502593617921/image0.jpg',
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'<Gen. James \"Mad Dog\" Mattis>We\'ve backed off in good faith to try to give you a chance to straighten this problem out. But I am going to beg with you for a minute. I\'m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.',
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'<Pete Buttigedge> In america some people want small mommy gf with small milky, but we need to make sure that the tent is big enough for the mommy gf with biggy milky and penis. My god I need this',
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'<Triple> Episode 108: Free Beef',
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'<Yusha Thomas> The only thing free in the army is these hands, and imma issue em out like jehovas witness pamphlets if you keep talking',
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'<Gen. James \"Mad Dog\" Mattis> I come in peace. I didn\’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.',
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'<N29UB> Oh I’m good at cryptology. Take each letter, assign that letter a number, add them all together, and shove it up your ass',
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'<Rodrigo Duterte> Me? They are saying that I\'m part of a death squad? True, that\'s true.',
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'<Sergeant Kot> We live in a squadron.',
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'<Katy Perry> Is math related to science?',
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'<k> Time to take names and make my parents disappointed in me.',
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'<drill> would you be offended if I dump a bunch of tea into the harbor.',
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'<anonymous> I don\'t care about the regs.',
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'<Airman, hydrated> Besteurung ist Diebstahl',
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'<Sergeant kot> PLANE RAPIST DON\'T LET HIM IN THE SMITHSONIAN.',
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'<Creamsicle> I guess it\'s my fault will fix.',
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'<Rodrigo Duterte> We talked to Kerry, he was actually OK because I had a fight with his ambassador. I told him: \'your ambassador is a gay son of a bitch.\'',
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'<Triple> Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of bread on a stick and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of bread out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I\'m so distressed right now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to do that to my mom but I\'m literally in shock from the rounding up of all my family members and watching each and every one of them being executed. I feel like I\'m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is Hitler doing this? This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a fucking breakdown (like an SS Scharführer who didn\'t get to bang a Polish girl) I don\'t want to believe the world is dominated by the Germans. I want a future to believe in. I want Poland to be global hegemon and help Israel become a reality. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn\'t supposed to be like this, I thought we were finally able to evade such horrible bullshit. This is so fucked',
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'<Allah Gold> Game time started',
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'<iPhone> ;quote',
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'<Krennic> This is the most public area.',
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'<Krennic> Your mom\'s bedroom is the most public area.',
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'<Jim Chang> sad',
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'<Triple> Holy ShihS. My MoM came into my RooR to bring me a PlalP of Chairman Mao\'s Testicles and I literally shot her with my dad\'s over-under. I\'m so distressed right now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to literally shoosh my MooM but i\'m literally in shlock from the self-quarantining of Iran\'s health minister. This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a brain aneurysm. This is so FuuF.\n\n\n\n me',
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'<Sara Mist> Really? Right in front of my General Ts\'s?',
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'<Rangern\'t> Holy ShihS. My MoM came into my RooR to bring me a PlalP of Chairman Mao\'s Testicles and I literally shot her with my dad\'s sawed-off 14 gauge shotgun. I\'m so distressertsid rigir now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to literetil shoosh my MooM but i\'m literally in shlocc from the This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a brain aneurysm. This is so FuuF.\n\n\n\n\n\n me',
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'<Jordan :b:. Peterson> We need to form a gamer ethno-state to secure the future for the next generations.',
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'<teamrocketsam4> I\'m sorry I pissed in your cereal, please stop.',
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'<C/Tsgt War Crimes> incoherent jibberish',
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'<Sergeant kot> his name is homer simpson',
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'<Obama> It\'s my way or the Huawei',
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'<Triple> Different strokes for different folks, and these here folks, might\'ve had strokes.',
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'<Triple> Little Einsteins is the fakest TV show ive ever seen, nothing in it makes sense. Can somebody explain how a bunch of toddlers who are barely preschool age are able fly a rocket ship everywhere they want whenever they want? First off, their rocket is not under production by any company, meaning they would need to actually build the rocket plane themselves, which requires information the children have never even had access to. Not only that, but they actually need to acquire the tools and machinery necessary to manufacture the rocket plane, and they would need college level aeronautical engineering knowledge to fabricate the external shell. Nevermind also needing adequate electrical and interior design knowledge, as well as good structural engineering to merely build a functioning rocket plane, all of which I am fairly certain these babies arent even qualified to have. Next up, if they even manage to actually build the stupid thing, how do they manage to pay for the operating costs? Fuel, maitenance, and licensing costs are only going to destroy their nonexistent funds. Do they use their mommy\'s credit card? Are they actually forcing their parents into debt? Next up, who flies the rocket? Manual flying is required because fully automated flying is only becoming a reality now, and the Little Einsteins had their ship since 2005. Nevermind are these kids nowhere close to old enough to achieve a pilot license, the more worrying part is wondering if they are flying without any aviation knowledge or are they using a pilot license from one of their parents? Multiple federal felonies are happening thus far into the TV show. Last but not least, their rocket plane would need to be given FAA go-ahead to actually fly, and I really dont think the FAA will clear a plane made by some 4 year olds. Just take some time to think about this, and when youre ready feel free to call Child Protective Services.',
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'<Triple> That isn‘t my quote you dumb fuck',
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'<Triple> Bruh did you even read the boot chat?',
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'<AviaDarius> What\'s a zoomie',
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'<N29UB> ENDLESS SIMP IS BACK AT CIVILIANS ALL PARTYING',
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'<Anakin Skywalker> We live in a Republic.',
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'<Echo Wiskey> Do you know how to keep your booger picker off the bang bang lever???',
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'<McCall> that\'s why we have evaluators\n<Darius> what are those',
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'<brzęczyszczykiewicz> bravo 6 going boog',
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'<Candice 2> cute doesnt win the war kid',
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'<N29UB> you should play the George Lopez theme as you torture Gavin Newsom',
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'<Sierra> In this world, either you crank dat soulja boy or this world cranks you',
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'<The Director> Im going to be honest with with you, im kinda retarded',
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'<The Director> You dont have my consent, but I know you will do it anyways.'
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]
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let number = Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min) + min) //The maximum is exclusive and the minimum is inclusive
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return message.channel.send(quotes[number])
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}
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if (command === "fix") {
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if(message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Botmeister"].includes(r.name))) {
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return message.channel.send("I guess it\'s my fault will fix.");
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@ -49,11 +49,22 @@ client.on("message", async message => {
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else {
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return message.reply("No");
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};
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//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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};
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//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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if (command === "stats") {
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let embed = new Discord.MessageEmbed()
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.setTitle('Stats')
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.setColor(0x195080)
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.setDescription(`\
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**Stats for 0SSELB0T** \n \
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**Uptime:** ${prettyMilliseconds(client.uptime)} \n \
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**Started at:** ${client.readyAt} \n \
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**People:** ${client.users.cache.size}\
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`);
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return message.channel.send(embed);
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};
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//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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});
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