Osselbot/src/bot.js

#!/usr/bin/env node
// Load up the discord.js library
const Discord = require("discord.js");
// This is your client. Some people call it `bot`, some people call it `self`,
// some might call it `cootchie`. Either way, when you see `client.something`, or `bot.something`,
// this is what we're refering to. Your client.
const client = new Discord.Client();

// Here we load the config.json file that contains our token and our prefix values.
const config = require("./config.json");
// config.token contains the bot's token
// config.prefix contains the message prefix.


client.on("ready", () => {
	  // This event will run if the bot starts, and logs in, successfully.
	  console.log(`Bot has started, with ${client.users.cache.size} users, in ${client.channels.cache.size} channels of ${client.guilds.cache.size} guilds.`);
	  // Example of changing the bot's playing game to something useful. `client.user` is what the
	  // docs refer to as the "ClientUser".
	  client.user.setActivity(`${client.users.cache.size} of you horrible people`,{ type: 'LISTENING' });
});

client.on("guildCreate", guild => {
  // This event triggers when the bot joins a guild.
  console.log(`New guild joined: ${guild.name} (id: ${guild.id}). This guild has ${guild.memberCount} members!`);
  client.user.setActivity(`${client.users.cache.size} of you horrible people`,{ type: 'LISTENING' });
});

client.on("guildDelete", guild => {
  // this event triggers when the bot is removed from a guild.
  console.log(`I have been removed from: ${guild.name} (id: ${guild.id})`);
  client.user.setActivity(`${client.users.cache.size} of you horrible people`,{ type: 'LISTENING' });
});
//osseley stop


client.on("message", async message => {
  // This event will run on every single message received, from any channel or DM.


  // It's good practice to ignoe other bots. This also makes your bot ignore itself
  // and not get into a spam loop (we call that "botception ").
  	if(message.author.bot) return;

	//people are assholes so this blocks it!
	if(message.content.toLowerCase().includes('nigger',"nigga","niglet","nigglet")){
		message.member.roles.add('654366653093642241').catch(console.error);
	      message.member.roles.remove('514254335425773589').catch(console.error);
		console.log(`${message.member} has been detained`)
		return message.reply('Member has been D E T A I N E D <:yikes:632660765878255636>')
	}

  // Also good practice to ignore any message that does not start with our prefix,
  // which is set in the configuration file.
  	if(message.content.indexOf(config.prefix) !== 0) return;

  // Here we separate our "command" name, and our "arguments" for the command.
  // e.g. if we have the message "+say Is this the real life?" , we'll get the following:
  // command = say
  // args = ["Is", "this", "the", "real", "life?"]
  	const args = message.content.slice(config.prefix.length).trim().split(/ +/g);
  	const command = args.shift().toLowerCase();

  // Let's go with a few common example commands! Feel free to delete or change those.

  	if(command === "ping") {
    // Calculates ping between sending a message and editing it, giving a nice round-trip latency.
    // The second ping is an average latency between the bot and the websocket server (one-way, not round-trip)
    	const m = await message.channel.send("Ping?");
    	m.edit(`Pong! Latency is ${m.createdTimestamp - message.createdTimestamp}ms`);
  	}

  	if(command === "say") {
    // makes the bot say something and delete the message. As an example, it's open to anyone to use.
    // To get the "message" itself we join the `args` back into a string with spaces:
    		const sayMessage = args.join(" ");
		if (message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Admin", "Mods","Member of the Order of the b l u e","Botmeister","Ally of the Order","say"].includes(r.name)) ){
			if(sayMessage.includes('@')) {
			return message.reply("\nStop pinging yourself \nStop pinging yourself");
		}
			// Then we delete the command message (sneaky, right?). The catch just ignores the error with a cute smiley thing.
			message.delete().catch(O_o=>{});
			// And we get the bot to say the thing:
			return message.channel.send(sayMessage);
		}
		else {
			return message.channel.send("Im sorry but we cant have nice things...")
		}
	}

  if(command === "kick") {
    // This command must be limited to mods and admins. In this example we just hardcode the role names.
    // Please read on Array.some() to understand this bit:
    // https://developer.mozilla.org/en/docs/Web/JavaScript/Reference/Global_Objects/Array/some?
    if(!message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Admin", "Moderator","Member of the Order of the b l u e","Botmeister"].includes(r.name)) )
      return message.reply("Sorry, you don't have permissions to use this!");

    // Let's first check if we have a member and if we can kick them!
    // message.mentions.members is a collection of people that have been mentioned, as GuildMembers.
    // We can also support getting the member by ID, which would be args[0]
    let member = message.mentions.members.first() || message.guild.members.get(args[0]);
    if(!member)
      return message.reply("Please mention a valid member of this server");
    if(!member.kickable)
      return message.reply("I cannot kick this user! Do they have a higher role? Do I have kick permissions?");

    // slice(1) removes the first part, which here should be the user mention or ID
    // join(' ') takes all the various parts to make it a single string.
    let reason = args.slice(1).join(' ');
    if(!reason) reason = "No reason provided";

    // Now, time for a swift kick in the nuts!
    await member.kick(reason)
      .catch(error => message.reply(`Sorry ${message.author} I couldn't kick because of : ${error}`));
    message.reply(`${member.user.tag} has been kicked by ${message.author.tag} because: ${reason}`);

  }

  if(command === "ban") {
    // Most of this command is identical to kick, except that here we'll only let admins do it.
    // In the real world mods could ban too, but this is just an example, right? ;)
    if(!message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Administrator","Member of the Order of the b l u e"].includes(r.name)) )
      return message.reply("Sorry, you don't have permissions to use this!");

    let member = message.mentions.members.first();
    if(!member)
      return message.reply("Please mention a valid member of this server");
    if(!member.bannable)
      return message.reply("I cannot ban this user! Do they have a higher role? Do I have ban permissions?");

    let reason = args.slice(1).join(' ');
    if(!reason) reason = "No reason provided";

    await member.ban(reason)
      .catch(error => message.reply(`Sorry ${message.author} I couldn't ban because of : ${error}`));
    message.reply(`${member.user.tag} has been banned by ${message.author.tag} because: ${reason}`);
  }

  if(command === "purge") {
  //Vibe check
	  if(!message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Admin","Member of the Order of the b l u e","Botmeister"].includes(r.name)) )
	  return message.reply("Sorry, you don't have permissions to use this!");
  // This command removes all messages from all users in the channel, up to 100.
	  else {
  // get the delete count, as an actual number.
		  const deleteCount = parseInt(args[0], 10);

  // Ooooh nice, combined conditions. <3
		  if(!deleteCount || deleteCount < 2 || deleteCount > 100)
			  return message.reply("Please provide a number between 2 and 100 for the number of messages to delete");

  // So we get our messages, and delete them. Simple enough, right?
		  const fetched = await message.channel.messages.fetch({limit: deleteCount});
		  message.channel.bulkDelete(fetched)
			  .catch(error => message.reply(`Couldn't delete messages because of: ${error}`));
	  }
  };

  if(command === "detain") {
    //For Civilians all partying
    if(!message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Admin","Member of the Order of the b l u e","Botmeister"].includes(r.name)) )
      return message.reply("Sorry, you don't have permissions to use this!");

    let member = message.mentions.members.first();
    if(!member)
      return message.reply("Please mention a valid member of this server");
	else {
		member.roles.add('654366653093642241').catch(console.error);
	      member.roles.remove('514254335425773589').catch(console.error);
		return message.reply("Member has been D E T A I N E D<:yikes:632660765878255636>\n**DEFCON** level increased\nGod Bless their souls")
	}
  }
  if(command === "retain") {
    //For Civilians all partying
    if(!message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Admin","Member of the Order of the b l u e","Botmeister"].includes(r.name)) )
      return message.reply("Sorry, you don't have permissions to use this!");

    let member = message.mentions.members.first();
    if(!member)
      return message.reply("Please mention a valid member of this server");
	else {
		member.roles.add('514254335425773589').catch(console.error);
	      member.roles.remove('654366653093642241').catch(console.error);
		return message.reply("Member has been R E T A I N E D <:MilkTurtle:628399622678773760>")
	}
  }
	// HERE COMES SHITTY COMMANDS MADE BY YOURS TRUELY
	if(command === 'help') {
		return message.reply('https://technicolor.2a03.party/bot/');
	};
	if(command === "rand") {
		//Generates random number between 1-100
		min = Math.ceil(0);
  		max = Math.floor(101);
  		return message.channel.send(Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min)) + min); //The maximum is exclusive and the minimum is inclusive
	};
	if(command === "oath") {
		return message.reply("The cadet oath is as follows.\nI pledge that I will serve faithfully in the Civil Air Patrol cadet program. That I will attend meetings regularly, wear my uniform properly, obey my officers, and advance my education and training rapidly to prepare myself to be of service to my community state and nation.");
	};
	if(command === "ask") {
		return message.channel.send("Dont Ask, Just ask!\n https://iki.fi/sol/dontask.html")
	};
	if(command === "damage") {
		return message.channel.send("https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/619631814696239142/678467158660874270/ohmydamage.mov")
	};
	if(command === "osseley") {
		return message.channel.send("Ohhh Osseley,\n how I missed you sooo much \nOne of these days...")
	};
	if(command === "psych") {
		return message.channel.send("Rules for finding a psychopath: \n1. Favorite color is orange \n2. Likes the left burners, worse if its top left\n3. Calls pizza sauce/tomato sauce gravy\n4. Doesnt like salad\n5. Likes country music\n6. Makes hot chocolate with water\n7. Likes black licorice")
	};
	if(command === "squad") {
		min = Math.ceil(0);
  		max = Math.floor(11);
  		let rate = Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min) + min); //The maximum is exclusive and the minimum is inclusive
		return message.reply(`The squad rates this ${rate} out of 10`);
	};
	if(command === "magic") {
		return message.channel.send("Do you believe in magic in a young girl\'s heart\nHow the music can free her, whenever it starts\nAnd it\'s magic, if the music is groovy\nIt makes you feel happy like an old-time movie\nI\'ll tell you about the magic, and it\'ll free your soul\nBut it\'s like trying to tell a stranger bout \'rock and roll\'")
	}
	//DEFCON Roles
	if(command === "defcon") {
		//5 levels till ban
		if(!message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Admin","Member of the Order of the b l u e","Botmeister"].includes(r.name)) )
		return message.reply("Sorry, you don't have permissions to use this!");
		else {
			let member = message.mentions.members.first();
			var role = "";
			switch(args[1]) {
				case 5:
					var role = message.guild.roles.find(role => role.name === `DEFCON 5`);
					member.roles.add(role);
				break;
				case 4:
					var role = message.guild.roles.find(role => role.name === `DEFCON 4`);
					member.roles.add(role);
			    	break;
			  	case 3:
					var role = message.guild.roles.find(role => role.name === `DEFCON 3`);
			  		member.roles.add(role);
			  	case 2:
					var role = message.guild.roles.find(role => role.name === `DEFCON 2`);
					member.roles.add(role);
			    	break;
			  	case 1:
					var role = message.guild.roles.find(role => role.name === `DEFCON 1`);
					member.roles.add(role);
			    	break;
			};
			return message.reply("\n**DEFCON** level set!\nGod Bless their souls")
		};
	};
	if (command === "quote") {
		min = Math.ceil(0);
  		max = Math.floor(48);
		// Quote format '<USER> quote stuff like egg eegg egg mommmmy'
		let quotes = [
		'<Airman, hydrated> Im a segregationist',
		'<N29UB> Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of general tso\’s chicken and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I\'m so distressed right now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to do that to my mom but I\'m literally in shock from the termination of our glorious PLAN nuclear carrier. I feel like I\'m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is Xi doing this? This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a fucking breakdown (like a kuznetsov). I don\'t want to believe the world is dominated by the US Navy. I want a future to believe in. I want China to be global hegemon and annex the South China Sea. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn\'t supposed to be like this, I thought they were making good progress on this carrier???? This is so fucked',
		'<osselot> go out to my cotton field you 3/5th of a human foot!',
		'<Triple> no',
		'<Ranger Wannabe> To be a ranger, one must start as a rock eater.',
		'<75021> did you ever hear the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise?',
		'<Airman, hydrated> if thicc thighs save lives, there\'s no wonder you\'re a lifeguard.',
		'<osselbot> hello all put the best of your best quotes into this channel for consideration to be put as quotes into the bot. Thanks!',
		'<Triple> I am *literally* shiting myself',
		'<aviadarius> What\'s the Asian president\nJim\nSomething\nJim Chang',
		'<aviadarius> i forgot',
		'<N29UB> Asia is a continent',
		'<Jim Chang> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/514252476837396494/681340502297149523/Jim_chang_backstory.png',
		'<Triple> Long Live the Philippines!',
		'<Sergeant Kot> meow',
		'<Sergeant Kot> I support jihad \uFDFD',
		'<Sergeant Kot> He was detained for fighting against isreal FREE PALESTINE MEOW',
		'<N29UB> That guy is not just a tool, he\'s the entire home depot.',
		'<Director krennic> we have a log you daft idiot',
		'<SSAI> I\'m trying to learn how to make a car bomb and get it past the isreali border\n<sara mist> Okay boomer',
		'<Rodrigo Duterte, 16th President of the Philippines> Please don’t order me around. … Or would you rather that I declare martial law?',
		'https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/521522780341141540/681344502593617921/image0.jpg',
		'<Gen. James \"Mad Dog\" Mattis>We\'ve backed off in good faith to try to give you a chance to straighten this problem out. But I am going to beg with you for a minute. I\'m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.',
		'<Pete Buttigedge> In america some people want small mommy gf with small milky, but we need to make sure that the tent is big enough for the mommy gf with biggy milky and penis. My god I need this',
		'<Triple> Episode 108: Free Beef',
		'<Yusha Thomas> The only thing free in the army is these hands, and imma issue em out like jehovas witness pamphlets if you keep talking',
		'<Gen. James \"Mad Dog\" Mattis> I come in peace. I didn\’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.',
		'<N29UB> Oh I’m good at cryptology. Take each letter, assign that letter a number, add them all together, and shove it up your ass',
		'<Rodrigo Duterte> Me? They are saying that I\'m part of a death squad? True, that\'s true.',
		'<Sergeant Kot> We live in a squadron.',
		'<Katy Perry> Is math related to science?',
		'<k> Time to take names and make my parents disappointed in me.',
		'<drill> would you be offended if I dump a bunch of tea into the harbor.',
		'<anonymous> I don\'t care about the regs.',
		'<Airman, hydrated> Besteurung ist Diebstahl',
		'<Sergeant kot> PLANE RAPIST DON\'T LET HIM IN THE SMITHSONIAN.',
		'<Creamsicle> I guess it\'s my fault will fix.',
		'<Rodrigo Duterte> We talked to Kerry, he was actually OK because I had a fight with his ambassador. I told him: \'your ambassador is a gay son of a bitch.\'',
		'<Triple> Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of bread on a stick and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of bread out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I\'m so distressed right now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to do that to my mom but I\'m literally in shock from the rounding up of all my family members and watching each and every one of them being executed.  I feel like I\'m going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is Hitler doing this? This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a fucking breakdown (like an SS Scharführer who didn\'t get to bang a Polish girl) I don\'t want to believe the world is dominated by the Germans. I want a future to believe in. I want Poland to be global hegemon and help Israel become a reality. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn\'t supposed to be like this, I thought we were finally able to evade such horrible bullshit. This is so fucked',
		'<Allah Gold> Game time started',
		'<iPhone> ;quote',
		'<Krennic> This is the most public area.',
		'<Krennic> Your mom\'s bedroom is the most public area.',
		'<Jim Chang> sad',
		'<Triple> Holy ShihS. My MoM came into my RooR to bring me a PlalP of Chairman Mao\'s Testicles and I literally shot her with my dad\'s over-under. I\'m so distressed right now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to literally shoosh my MooM but i\'m literally in shlock from the self-quarantining of Iran\'s health minister. This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a brain aneurysm. This is so FuuF.\n\n\n\n me',
		'<Sara Mist> Really? Right in front of my General Ts\'s?',
		'<Rangern\'t> Holy ShihS. My MoM came into my RooR to bring me a PlalP of Chairman Mao\'s Testicles and I literally shot her with my dad\'s sawed-off 14 gauge shotgun. I\'m so distressertsid rigir now I don\'t know what to do. I didn\'t mean to literetil shoosh my MooM but i\'m literally in shlocc from the  This can\'t be happening. I\'m having a brain aneurysm. This is so FuuF.\n\n\n\n\n\n me',
		'<Jordan :b:. Peterson> We need to form a gamer ethno-state to secure the future for the next generations.'

		]
		let number = Math.floor(Math.random() * (max - min) + min) //The maximum is exclusive and the minimum is inclusive
  		return message.channel.send(quotes[number])
	}
	if (command === "fix") {
		if(message.member.roles.cache.some(r=>["Botmeister"].includes(r.name))) {
		return message.channel.send("I guess it\'s my fault will fix.");
		};
		return;
	};
});

client.login(config.token);