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twofatal.md
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twofatal.md
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Gideon swore again.
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Gideon started swearing again.
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"Fuck!"
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"Fuck!"
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The blood in on her forehead was starting to drip along her eyebrow, tickling as
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The blood in on her forehead was starting to drip along her eyebrow, tickling
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is grew ready to flow along the bridge of her nose and right into her eye.
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as is grew ready to flow along the bridge of her nose and right into her eye.
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She tried to use her right arm, without dropping her enormous sword, to wipe
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She tried to use her right arm, without dropping her enormous sword, to wipe
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the it off of her forehead before it dripped into her eyes. But the shredded sleeves
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the it off of her forehead before it dripped into her eyes. But the shredded
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of her cultist robes were already soaked through and the gesture only smeared sanguinous
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sleeves of her cultist robes were already soaked through and the gesture only
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sludge over her nose and mouth.
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smeared sanguineous sludge over her nose and mouth.
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"Fuck. FUCK!" Gideon swore. In frustration she started to use the back of
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"Fuck. FUCK!" Gideon swore. In frustration she started to use the back of her
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her other, less slimy hand, to do the job, forgetting about the razor sharp obsidian
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other, less slimy hand, to do the job, forgetting about the razor sharp
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knuckle knives strapped to her left wrist. She stopped herself only a cunt-hairs breadth
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obsidian knuckle knives strapped to her left wrist. She stopped herself only a
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away from gouging the last pair of functioning eyeballs out of her skull. She still needed
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cunt-hairs breadth away from gouging the last pair of functioning eyeballs out
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those.
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of her skull. She still needed those.
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"Did I say fuck yet? Because seriously, fuck this ... Oh FUCK NO!"
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"Did I say fuck yet? Because seriously, fuck this ... Oh FUCK NO!"
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Moving her left hand had made her lose her grip on the princess's body. It slipped out from
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Moving her left hand had made her lose her grip on the princess's body. It
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under her arm and fell back further into the pit, dislodging other precariously piled corpses
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slipped out from under her arm and fell back further into the pit, dislodging
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and threatening to start a charnel avalanche which would bury Gideon in fresh human remains.
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other precariously piled corpses and threatening to start a charnel avalanche
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which would bury Gideon in fresh human remains.
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"OMG Gideon what are you doing!? You let it go! I swear on our
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"OMG Gideon what are you doing!? You let it go! I swear on our eternal rotting
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eternal rotting goddess, if you don't bring my body back in one piece I'll
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goddess, if you don't bring my body back in one piece I'll personally feed your
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personally feed your fingers to the ommigrindr. I'm not bluffing!"
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fingers to the ommigrindr. I'm not bluffing!"
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The dead princess was bluffing, but calling her bluff would be nearly as painful
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The dead princess was bluffing, but calling her bluff would be nearly as
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as the actual omnigrindr, so Gideon said nothing. Instead,
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painful as the actual omnigrindr, so Gideon said nothing. Instead, she craned
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she craned her neck to keep her still-functioning eyeballs glued to the
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her neck to keep her still-functioning eyeballs glued to the desiccated royal
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desicated royal corpse as it continued to slide deeper into the pit,
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corpse as it continued to slide deeper into the pit, closer to the aperture.
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closer to the aperture. Aiming from memory, she then swung her great
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Aiming from memory, she then swung her great sword backwards, tossing it up and
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sword backwards, tossing it up and out of the pit. With normal luck it should land
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out of the pit. With normal luck it should land in something soft, (hopefully a
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in something soft, (hopefully a priest), and stay put. With Gideon's luck it would
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priest), and stay put. With Gideon's luck it would definitely spin in three
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definitely spin in three perfect circles before plunging straight back down through
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perfect circles before plunging straight back down through her skull. At least
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her skull. At least that would shut the princess up.
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that would shut the princess up.
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"OMG Gideon, what are you doing? That was your sword!" the once and former
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"OMG Gideon, what are you doing? That was your sword!" the once and former
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princess pronounced helpfully. "Why did you do that!?"
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princess pronounced helpfully. "Why did you do that!?"
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@ -46,82 +47,93 @@ you back, right?"
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absolutely no... Oh. Ha ha. Ha."
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absolutely no... Oh. Ha ha. Ha."
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Death, (or undeath as it might be), must have improved the princess's powers of
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Death, (or undeath as it might be), must have improved the princess's powers of
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perception because it was typically the next day before she detected sarcasm, if
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perception because it was typically the next day before she detected sarcasm,
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ever.
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if ever.
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"OMG Gideon what are you doing!? Ahh! Ahh look it's going to fall in. Get it!
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"OMG Gideon what are you doing!? Ahh! Ahh look it's going to fall in. Get it!
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Why aren't you looking!? Save it! Save me!"
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Why aren't you looking!? Save it! Save me!"
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No matter how many times she had haunted Gideon, the princess couldn't seem, or couldn't
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No matter how many times she had haunted Gideon, the princess couldn't seem, or
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be bothered more like, to understand the basics of parasitic possession.
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couldn't be bothered more like, to understand the basics of parasitic
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She never accepted that she could only ever see exactly what Gideon was seeing
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possession. She never accepted that she could only ever see exactly what
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with her own, adequately functioning, eyeballs no more no less. Right now what Gideon
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Gideon was seeing with her own, adequately functioning, eyeballs no more no
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was seeing was this: the precious corpse was starting to come unwound, its linen strips
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less. Right now what Gideon was seeing was this: the precious corpse was
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unravelling as it slipped and rolled over fresher, more fetid, human remains on its
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starting to come unwound, its linen strips unravelling as it slipped and rolled
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way toward the aperture at the bottom of the huge conical pit that Gideon and descended
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over fresher, more fetid, human remains on its way toward the aperture at the
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into on a rescue mission for the terminally damned. The aperture was a narrow choke
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bottom of the huge conical pit that Gideon and descended into on a rescue
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point exactly like the throat of and hourglass. But instead of sand measuring minutes,
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mission for the terminally damned. The aperture was a narrow choke point
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the gently used, previously owned, second hand flesh-houses of humans measured
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exactly like the throat of and hourglass. But instead of sand measuring
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eternity as they periodically tumbled into a stinking scarab-infested cavern below.
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minutes, the gently used, previously owned, second hand flesh-houses of humans
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measured eternity as they periodically tumbled into a stinking scarab-infested
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cavern below.
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The bodies came from all over. Most were offered by devout descendants of their lately
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The bodies came from all over. Most were offered by devout descendants of their
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devout ancestors. The Emperor Undying sent a regular shipment of 'retired' slaves from
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lately devout ancestors. The Emperor Undying sent a regular shipment of
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the arena or the mines. The army contributed a regular, though surprisingly modest---all
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'retired' slaves from the arena or the mines. The army contributed a regular,
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things considered, share. But not all deceased homo-sapiens were appropriate offerings
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though surprisingly modest---all things considered, share. But not all deceased
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to the pit. For example the mummified corpse of the unholy princess of misery was a
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homo-sapiens were appropriate offerings to the pit. For example the mummified
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completely innapropriate offering---as the princess herself had been quick to point out.
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corpse of the unholy princess of misery was a completely inappropriate
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The bureaucratic error that had led to the present scenario was one of such gravity that
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offering---as the princess herself had been quick to point out. The
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mere death (even if preceded by unspeakable torture) would not have been sufficient
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bureaucratic error that had led to the present scenario was one of such gravity
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punishment. However justice is blind, stupid and utterly corruptible; the very office that
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that mere death (even if preceded by unspeakable torture) would not have been
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originated this unforgivable sin had managed to arrange things so that it became entirely
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sufficient punishment. However justice is blind, stupid and utterly
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Gideon's problem. The ghastly princess herself seemed to lose all interest incriminating
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corruptible; the very office that originated this unforgivable sin had managed
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the actual guilty party upon realizing she had obtained the opportunity to nag and torment
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to arrange things so that it became entirely Gideon's problem. The ghastly
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princess herself seemed to lose all interest incriminating the actual guilty
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party upon realizing she had obtained the opportunity to nag and torment
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Gideon, albeit briefly if the swordswoman was not successful.
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Gideon, albeit briefly if the swordswoman was not successful.
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Gideon blinked. Sand scratched the inside of her eyelids. She wished devoutly that the
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Gideon blinked. Sand scratched the inside of her eyelids. She wished devoutly
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princess could feel that too. Holding her breath and moving slowly she gingerly bent her
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that the princess could feel that too. Holding her breath and moving slowly she
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knees and reached down to take hold of the end of the princess's linen wrappings which
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gingerly bent her knees and reached down to take hold of the end of the
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extened like a long fuse toward the regal stiff which was still unravelling slowly.
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princess's linen wrappings which extended like a long fuse toward the regal
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stiff which was still unravelling slowly.
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Gideon swore again.
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Gideon swore again.
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"You fucking better have something on under those bandages, your highness. If I have to see
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"You fucking better have something on under those bandages, your highness. If I
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your sundried titties or your fosilized fanny I'll rip each of my eyes out and throw
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have to see your sun-dried titties or your fossilized fanny I'll rip each of my
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them in the pit after you."
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eyes out and throw them in the pit after you."
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"OMG Gideon what are you talking about! I'm ravishing and you know it. You should be so
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"OMG Gideon what are you talking about! I'm ravishing and you know it. You
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lucky."
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should be so lucky."
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This was not the first time the princess revealed that despite seeing through Gideon's
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This was not the first time the princess revealed that despite seeing through
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completely operational eyeballs, her vision was gravely flawed.
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Gideon's completely operational eyeballs, her vision was gravely flawed.
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Gideon, still holding her breath, gently tugged at the the cloth, the body started to roll faster.
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Gideon, still holding her breath, gently tugged at the cloth, the body
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She gave a tremendous, pull hoping to snap the regal corpus back up towards her like a yo-yo.
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started to roll faster. She gave a tremendous, pull hoping to snap the regal
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The force of the did flick the little morsel of dried princess meat into the air for a second
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corpus back up towards her like a yo-yo. The force of the did flick the little
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before it tumbled directly through the aperture.
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morsel of dried princess meat into the air for a second before it tumbled
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directly through the aperture.
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The incorporeal princess screamed like a Saturday morning sacrifice victim from out of
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The incorporeal princess screamed like a Saturday morning sacrifice victim from
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the depths of Gideon's skull. Gideon hadn't thought her head had such impressive acoustics
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out of the depths of Gideon's skull. Gideon hadn't thought her head had such
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but the spirit of the princess of misery's miserable shriek was reverberating through
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impressive acoustics but the spirit of the princess of misery's miserable
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her brain like a amphitheatre. The linen wrap end in her hand was momentarily slack as
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shriek was reverberating through her brain like a amphitheatre. The linen wrap
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the body tumbled into the void but then it grew taught with a sickening crack. Surely,
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end in her hand was momentarily slack as the body tumbled into the void but
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the princesses body would have crumbled into dust at that shock. But no, the concientious
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then it grew taught with a sickening crack. Surely, the princesses body would
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embalmers of yesteryear must have done a good job of converting the petulant bitch's remains
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have crumbled into dust at that shock. But no, the conscientious embalmers of
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into some sturdy taxidermy because it held. The same clever embalmer, bless her heart, must
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yesteryear must have done a good job of converting the petulant bitch's remains
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also have had the stunning foresight to tie the shroud tightly around something, probably
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into some sturdy taxidermy because it held. The same clever embalmer, bless her
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the imperial neck bone, as insurance against exactly today's eventuality.
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heart, must also have had the stunning foresight to tie the shroud tightly
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around something, probably the imperial neck bone, as insurance against exactly
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today's eventuality.
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Gideon held firmly to the thin linen ribbon and could feel the body begin to swing at the other end.
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Gideon held firmly to the thin linen ribbon and could feel the body begin to
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It was terrifically light at least. It hadn't caused her to lose her footing only a few yards
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swing at the other end. It was terrifically light at least. It hadn't caused
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away from the openning. Slipping now would mean falling, with the corpse, into a vast cavern.
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her to lose her footing only a few yards away from the opening. Slipping now
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With any luck, she'd break her neck. With Gideon's luck she'd break her legs and stay conscious
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would mean falling, with the corpse, into a vast cavern. With any luck, she'd
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as the scarabs ate out her functional eyeballs, tongue, and tonsils before using her warm body
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break her neck. With Gideon's luck she'd actually break her legs and stay
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to incubate scarab eggs. Eventually they'd get around to eating the princess's chewy hide but no doubt
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conscious as the scarabs ate out her functional eyeballs, tongue, and tonsils
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they would save if for last so Gideon would have some shrill complaining company during her last
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before using her warm body to incubate scarab eggs. Eventually they'd get
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miserable days of life. Though, come to think of it, the princessly ghost was strangely quiet
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around to eating the princess's chewy hide but no doubt they would save if for
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right now. Gideon decided not to think about what that might mean and dutifully started winding
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last so Gideon would have some shrill complaining company during her last
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her catch back in.
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miserable days of life. Though, come to think of it, the princessly
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poltergeist was strangely quiet right now. Gideon decided not to think about
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what that might mean and dutifully started winding her catch back in.
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Angling for the dead like this had to be done slowly; to avoid slipping; for reasons that are now plainly
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Angling for the dead like this had to be done slowly; to avoid slipping; for
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established. So Gideon had time to think. That was bad.
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reasons that are now plainly established. So Gideon had time to think. That was
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unfortunate.
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