more edits

twofatal.md

@@ -38,37 +38,38 @@ perfect circles before plunging straight back down through her skull. At least
 that would shut the princess up.
 
 "OMG Gideon, what are you doing? That was your sword!" the once and former
-princess pronounced helpfully. "Why did you do that!?"
+princess pronounced helpfully.
 
 "It's okay your highness. I'm sure you'll buy me a new one as soon as we bring
 you back, right?"
 
 "OMG Gideon what are you thinking? I can't... we can't afford... there is
-absolutely no... Oh.  Ha ha. Ha."
+absolutely no... Oh... Ha. Ha."
 
-Death, (or undeath as it might be), must have improved the princess's powers of
+Death, (or death 2.0 as it might be), must have improved the princess's powers of
 perception because it was typically the next day before she detected sarcasm,
 if ever. 
 
-"OMG Gideon what are you doing!?  Ahh! Ahh look it's going to fall in.  Get it!
-Why aren't you looking!? Save it! Save me!"
+"OMG Gideon what are you doing!?  Ahh! Look! It's going to fall in.  Get it!
+Why aren't you looking!? Get it! Save me!"
 
-No matter how many times she had haunted Gideon, the princess couldn't seem, or
-couldn't be bothered more like, to understand the basics of parasitic
-possession.  She never accepted that she could only ever see exactly what
+No matter how many times she had haunted Gideon, the princess couldn't, or
+couldn't be bothered more like, manage to understand the basics of parasitic
+possession.  She never absorbed hat she could only ever see exactly what
 Gideon was seeing with her own, adequately functioning, eyeballs no more no
-less. Right now what Gideon was seeing was this:  the precious  corpse was
+less. Right now what Gideon was seeing was this:  the precious corpse was
 starting to come unwound, its linen strips unravelling as it slipped and rolled
 over fresher, more fetid, human remains on its way toward the aperture at the
-bottom of the huge conical pit that Gideon and descended into on a rescue
+bottom of the huge conical pit that Gideon had descended on a rescue
 mission for the terminally damned. The aperture was a narrow choke point
-exactly like the throat of and hourglass. But instead of sand measuring
+exactly like the throat of an hourglass. But instead of sand measuring
 minutes, the gently used, previously owned, second hand flesh-houses of humans
 measured eternity as they periodically tumbled into a stinking scarab-infested
 cavern below. 
 
 The bodies came from all over. Most were offered by devout descendants of their
-lately devout ancestors. The Emperor Undying sent a regular shipment of
+lately devout worshippers of Derketo, the queen of death, fertility, and rancid
+body fluids apparently. The Emperor Undying sent a steady supply of
 'retired' slaves from the arena or the mines. The army contributed a regular,
 though surprisingly modest---all things considered, share. But not all deceased
 homo-sapiens were appropriate offerings to the pit.  For example the mummified
@@ -91,49 +92,51 @@ stiff which was still unravelling slowly.
 
 Gideon swore again. 
 
-"You fucking better have something on under those bandages, your highness. If I
-have to see your sun-dried titties or your fossilized fanny I'll rip each of my
-eyes out and throw them in the pit after you."
+"You fucking better have something on under those bandages, your dehydrated
+highness. If I have to see your sun-dried titties or your fossilized fanny I'll
+rip each of my eyes out and throw them in the pit after you."
 
 "OMG Gideon what are you talking about!  I'm ravishing and you know it. You
 should be so lucky."
 
 This was not the first time the princess revealed that despite seeing through
-Gideon's completely operational eyeballs, her vision was gravely flawed.
+Gideon's completely operational eyeballs, her vision was gravely flawed. And
+who the hell says 'ravishing' anyways. The princess was so fucking old!
 
 Gideon, still holding her breath, gently tugged at the cloth, the body
-started to roll faster.  She gave a tremendous, pull hoping to snap the regal
-corpus back up towards her like a yo-yo.  The force of the did flick the little
-morsel of dried princess meat into the air for a second before it tumbled
-directly through the aperture.
+started to roll faster.  She gave a tremendous pull, hoping to snap the regal
+corpus back up towards her like a yo-yo.  The force of it did flick the
+morsel of dried princess meat into the air for just a second ... before it
+tumbled neatly through the aperture into the void below.
 
-The incorporeal princess screamed like a Saturday morning sacrifice victim from
-out of the depths of Gideon's skull.  Gideon hadn't thought her head had such
-impressive acoustics but the spirit of the princess of misery's miserable
-shriek was reverberating through her brain like a amphitheatre.  The linen wrap
-end in her hand was momentarily slack as the body tumbled into the void but
-then it grew taught with a sickening crack. Surely, the princesses body would
-have crumbled into dust at that shock.  But no, the conscientious embalmers of
-yesteryear must have done a good job of converting the petulant bitch's remains
-into some sturdy taxidermy because it held. The same clever embalmer, bless her
-heart, must also have had the stunning foresight to tie the shroud tightly
-around something, probably the imperial neck bone, as insurance against exactly
-today's eventuality.
+The immortal soul of the dead princess screamed like a solstice morning 
+sacrifice victim from out of the depths of Gideon's skull.  Gideon hadn't
+thought her head had such impressive acoustics but the spirit of the princess
+of misery's miserable shriek was reverberating through her brain like a
+amphitheatre.  The linen wrap in her hand went momentarily slack as the body
+tumbled through space but then snapped taught with a sickening crack. Surely,
+the princesses body should have crumbled into dust at that shock.  But no, the
+conscientious embalmers of yesteryear must have done a good job of converting
+the petulant bitch's remains into sturdy taxidermy because it merely flexed
+slightly and held together. The same clever embalmer, bless her heart, must
+also have had the fortuitous foresight to tie the shroud tightly around
+something, probably the princesses dainty little neck, as insurance against
+exactly today's eventuality.
 
 Gideon held firmly to the thin linen ribbon and could feel the body begin to
-swing at the other end.  It was terrifically light at least. It hadn't caused
-her to lose her footing only a few yards away from the opening. Slipping now
-would mean falling, with the corpse, into a vast cavern.  With any luck, she'd
-break her neck. With Gideon's luck she'd actually break her legs and stay
-conscious as the scarabs ate out her functional eyeballs, tongue, and tonsils
-before using her warm body to incubate scarab eggs. Eventually they'd get
-around to eating the princess's chewy hide but no doubt they would save if for
-last so Gideon would have some shrill complaining company during her last
-miserable days of life.  Though, come to think of it, the princessly
-poltergeist was strangely quiet right now. Gideon decided not to think about
-what that might mean and dutifully started winding her catch back in.
+swing at the other end.  It was light at least. It hadn't caused her to lose
+her footing only a few yards away from the gaping hole. Slipping now would mean
+falling, with the corpse, into a vast cavern.  With good luck, she'd break her
+neck. With Gideon's luck she'd definitely break her back but stay conscious as
+the scarabs ate out her functional eyeballs, tongue, and tonsils before using
+her warm body to incubate scarab eggs. Eventually they'd get around to eating
+the princess's chewy cadaver too but no doubt they save if for last so
+Gideon would have some shrill complaining company during her last hateful 
+days of life.  Though, come to think of it, the princessly poltergeist was
+strangely quiet right now. Gideon decided not to think about what that might
+mean and dutifully started winding her catch back in.
 
 Angling for the dead like this had to be done slowly; to avoid slipping; for
 reasons that are now plainly established. So Gideon had time to think. That was
-unfortunate.
+unfortunate because this is what she thought about: