2020-10-20 22:42:12 -04:00
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Gideon started swearing again.
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2020-10-21 15:49:54 -04:00
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2020-10-21 22:33:38 -04:00
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"Fuck!"
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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The blood in on her forehead was starting to drip along her eyebrow, tickling
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as is grew ready to flow along the bridge of her nose and right into her eye.
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2020-10-21 22:12:25 -04:00
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She tried to use her right arm, without dropping her enormous sword, to wipe
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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the it off of her forehead before it dripped into her eyes. But the shredded
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sleeves of her cultist robes were already soaked through and the gesture only
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smeared sanguineous sludge over her nose and mouth.
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2020-10-21 15:49:54 -04:00
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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"Fuck. FUCK!" Gideon swore. In frustration she started to use the back of her
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other, less slimy hand, to do the job, forgetting about the razor sharp
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obsidian knuckle knives strapped to her left wrist. She stopped herself only a
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2020-10-22 11:50:24 -04:00
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pube's breadth away from gouging the last pair of functioning eyeballs out
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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of her skull. She still needed those.
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2020-10-21 15:49:54 -04:00
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2020-10-21 22:12:25 -04:00
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"Did I say fuck yet? Because seriously, fuck this ... Oh FUCK NO!"
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Moving her left hand had made her lose her grip on the princess's body. It
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slipped out from under her arm and fell back further into the pit, dislodging
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other precariously piled corpses and threatening to start a charnel avalanche
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which would bury Gideon in fresh human remains.
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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"OMG Gideon what are you doing!? You let it go! I swear on the eternal rotting
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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goddess, if you don't bring my body back in one piece I'll personally feed your
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fingers to the ommigrindr. I'm not bluffing!"
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The dead princess was bluffing, but calling her bluff would be nearly as
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painful as the actual omnigrindr, so Gideon said nothing. Instead, she craned
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her neck to keep her still-functioning eyeballs glued to the desiccated royal
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corpse as it continued to slide deeper into the pit, closer to the aperture.
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Aiming from memory, she then swung her great sword backwards, tossing it up and
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out of the pit. With normal luck it should land in something soft, (hopefully a
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priest), and stay put. With Gideon's luck it would definitely spin in three
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perfect circles before plunging straight back down through her skull. At least
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that would shut the princess up.
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2020-10-21 22:33:38 -04:00
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"OMG Gideon, what are you doing? That was your sword!" the once and former
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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princess pronounced helpfully.
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2020-10-21 21:37:10 -04:00
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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"It's okay your highness. I'm sure you'll buy me a new one as soon as we bring
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2020-10-21 21:37:10 -04:00
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you back, right?"
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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"OMG Gideon what are you thinking? I can't... we can't afford... there is
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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absolutely no... Oh... Ha. Ha."
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2020-10-21 21:37:10 -04:00
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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Death, (or death 2.0 as it might be), must have improved the princess's powers of
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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perception because it was typically the next day before she detected sarcasm,
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if ever.
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2020-10-21 21:37:10 -04:00
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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"OMG Gideon what are you doing!? Ahh! Look! It's going to fall in. Get it!
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Why aren't you looking!? Get it! Save me!"
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2020-10-21 21:37:10 -04:00
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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No matter how many times she had haunted Gideon, the princess couldn't, or
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couldn't be bothered more like, manage to understand the basics of parasitic
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possession. She never absorbed hat she could only ever see exactly what
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Gideon was seeing with her own, adequately functioning, eyeballs no more no
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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less. Right now what Gideon was seeing was this: the precious corpse was
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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starting to come unwound, its linen strips unravelling as it slipped and rolled
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over fresher, more fetid, human remains on its way toward the aperture at the
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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bottom of the huge conical pit that Gideon had descended on a rescue
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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mission for the terminally damned. The aperture was a narrow choke point
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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exactly like the throat of an hourglass. But instead of sand measuring
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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minutes, the gently used, previously owned, second hand flesh-houses of humans
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measured eternity as they periodically tumbled into a stinking scarab-infested
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cavern below.
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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The bodies came from all over. Most were offered by devout descendants of
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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lately devout worshippers of Derketo, the queen of death, fertility, and rancid
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body fluids apparently. The Emperor Undying sent a steady supply of
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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'retired' slaves from the arena or the mines. The army contributed a regular,
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though surprisingly modest---all things considered, share. But not all deceased
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homo-sapiens were appropriate offerings to the pit. For example the mummified
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corpse of the unholy princess of misery was a completely inappropriate
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offering---as the princess herself had been quick to point out. The
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bureaucratic error that had led to the present scenario was one of such gravity
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that mere death (even if preceded by unspeakable torture) would not have been
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sufficient punishment. However justice is blind, stupid and utterly
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corruptible; the very office that originated this unforgivable sin had managed
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to arrange things so that it became entirely Gideon's problem. The ghastly
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princess herself seemed to lose all interest incriminating the actual guilty
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party upon realizing she had obtained the opportunity to nag and torment
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2020-10-21 22:12:25 -04:00
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Gideon, albeit briefly if the swordswoman was not successful.
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2020-10-20 22:42:12 -04:00
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Gideon blinked. Sand scratched the inside of her eyelids. She wished devoutly
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that the princess could feel that too. Holding her breath and moving slowly she
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gingerly bent her knees and reached down to take hold of the end of the
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princess's linen wrappings which extended like a long fuse toward the regal
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stiff which was still unravelling slowly.
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2020-10-21 22:33:38 -04:00
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Gideon swore again.
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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"You fucking better have something on under those bandages, your dehydrated
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highness. If I have to see your sun-dried titties or your fossilized fanny I'll
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rip each of my eyes out and throw them in the pit after you."
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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"OMG Gideon what are you talking about! I'm ravishing and you know it. You
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should be so lucky."
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This was not the first time the princess revealed that despite seeing through
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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Gideon's completely operational eyeballs, her vision was gravely flawed. And
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2020-10-22 20:04:00 -04:00
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who the hell says 'ravishing' anyways? By the goddess's gritty cooch, the princess
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2020-10-22 20:03:41 -04:00
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was hello old!
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Gideon, still holding her breath, gently tugged at the cloth, the body
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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started to roll faster. She gave a tremendous pull, hoping to snap the regal
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corpus back up towards her like a yo-yo. The force of it did flick the
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morsel of dried princess meat into the air for just a second ... before it
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tumbled neatly through the aperture into the void below.
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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The immortal soul of the dead princess screamed like a summer solstice
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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sacrifice victim from out of the depths of Gideon's skull. Gideon hadn't
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thought her head had such impressive acoustics but the spirit of the princess
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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of misery's miserable shriek was reverberating through her brain like an
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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amphitheatre. The linen wrap in her hand went momentarily slack as the body
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tumbled through space but then snapped taught with a sickening crack. Surely,
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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the princess's body should have crumbled into dust at that shock. But no, the
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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conscientious embalmers of yesteryear must have done a good job of converting
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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the petulant bitch's remains into some sturdy taxidermy because it merely flexed
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slightly and held together. The same clever embalmer, bless her spleen, must
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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also have had the fortuitous foresight to tie the shroud tightly around
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2020-10-22 20:01:49 -04:00
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something, probably a dainty little neck, as insurance against exactly today's
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turn of events.
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Gideon held firmly to the thin linen ribbon and could feel the body begin to
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2020-10-22 14:37:45 -04:00
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swing at the other end. It was light at least. It hadn't caused her to lose
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her footing only a few yards away from the gaping hole. Slipping now would mean
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falling, with the corpse, into a vast cavern. With good luck, she'd break her
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neck. With Gideon's luck she'd definitely break her back but stay conscious as
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the scarabs ate out her functional eyeballs, tongue, and tonsils before using
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her warm body to incubate scarab eggs. Eventually they'd get around to eating
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the princess's chewy cadaver too but no doubt they save if for last so
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Gideon would have some shrill complaining company during her last hateful
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days of life. Though, come to think of it, the princessly poltergeist was
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strangely quiet right now. Gideon decided not to think about what that might
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mean and dutifully started winding her catch back in.
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2020-10-22 08:16:13 -04:00
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Angling for the dead like this had to be done slowly; to avoid slipping; for
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reasons that are now plainly established. So Gideon had time to think. That was
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2020-10-26 12:33:47 -04:00
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unfortunate because this is what she thought:
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2020-10-21 23:07:30 -04:00
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2020-10-25 23:12:26 -04:00
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They're going to kill me.
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2020-10-26 12:33:47 -04:00
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2020-10-26 12:59:34 -04:00
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Inexplicably this hurt Gideon's feelings. Eighteen years of abuse, contempt,
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scorn and downright shitty treatment was bad, sure. Even years of completely
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unsubtle and unrelenting hints that she should kill herself, rude of course.
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But never before now had it occurred to her that collectively, or individually,
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the vile cult in service to Derketo, the fetid and divine bitch of fecundity
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and decay was embarked upon relentless program whose destination was Gideon's
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own annihilation. They would not kill her ceremonially, the way they killed
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thousands every year for their gross goddess's glory. They would not kill her
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judicially as punishment for her legitimately blasphemous sins against their
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bullshit theological code. They would not even do her the courtesy of hiring
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even a fourth-rate guild member to stab her in the back (as if, lol) or poison
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her (not that the cult kitchen wasn't coming pretty close on daily basis). No,
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the slimy low-life clergy of the half-baked cult of Death was going to murder
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Gideon through pure bureaucracatic apathy. They would collectively, but
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apparently without any organized design, asign and re-assign Gideon to a series
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of posts, offices and obligations which would inevitably and unstoppably lead
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to her death. Her current assignment was case and point. Even now, in this
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moment of relative stability, having killed seven revenant guardians and
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arrested her charge's plunge into the abyss without joining her, Gideon's
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prospects of surviving this errand were hovering at about 37 percent. If she
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fell now she would die. If she failed (to retrieve the precious royal mummy)
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but lived, she would be sent on a worse quest immediately. If she succeeded,
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she would also be sent on a worse quest almost immediately.
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"Well fuck me" Gideon said somberly, breaking her 47 second non-swearing steak.
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By chance she happened to be holding the deceased princess right up to face
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level as she spoke. The thing had, as her worst fears predicted, come competely
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unraveled so Gideon found herself staring into two dry sockets where centuries
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ago, a princess's pretty eyeballs once functioned, fully. Also in accordance
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with her worst fears, the naked corpse, stripped of bandages revealed nothing
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remained to preserve her modesty. Thankfully time had transformed the Princess
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of Misery's mammaries and pudenda into pure, un-suggestive abstractions thus
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protecting Gideon's innocent eyes from fatal psychological trauma. Wrinkling
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her nose she continued the one-sided conversation.
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"I'm starting to feel seriously unappreciated around here." she confided to the
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nude and dead body. "But fine, I take the hint. I'm out of here." And so,
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then and there, she decided to escape.
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2020-10-25 23:12:26 -04:00
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